A few Saturdays ago, I attended the Not To Believers Like Us (N2BLU) Seminar on Domestic and Family Violence. Someone once said that confession is good for the soul; so I am confessing that prior to attending the seminar, I was totally ignorant of the statistical data associated with domestic violence. The specificity of violence was an eye-opener for me, and having spoken with victims of domestic violence, I was even more baffled by the fact that violence of this magnitude actually exists. I have never doubted that domestic and family violence occur, I just did not know to what extent. And to know the different facets of violence were even more disturbing so much so that it caused me to reflect back to March 1989, when my best friend and college roommate was fatally stabbed to death as a result of violence at the hands of a boyfriend.
The information and resources available at the seminar were astronomical with emphasis placed mainly on battered women - which I can understand because more women are battered than men - but, what about the children? How do they cope with violence in the family and who speaks for them? I have noticed lately that the media is exposing perpetrators who are taking advantage of babies and younger children. (This does not excludes older children and adults). Just recently a perpetrator was arrested for having sexually molested a three-year-old girl for four years. And it appeared, according to the media, that the girl was so traumatized, she totally blotted out what had happened to her. This is just one story. There are many. Some we hear about; some we do not. Some are in other cities, states, and countries; some are in our neighborhoods.
We, as a society, must get involved and speak up for those who can not speak for themselves. Children are being killed, stolen, sold, and used as "sex objects". If we do not speak for them - WHO WILL? If we do not do it now - WHEN? Love and compassion are virtues of Jesus Christ which we must exemplify. We can no longer be silent because no family (house) is exempt, and violence has no regard to race, creed, color, national origin, or gender. Victims of domestic and family violence are hurting, and we must be an advocate for them and their children. We do care, and from the seminar, we may now be in a better posture to identify and understand the emotional scars associated with abuse. I pray that God will soften our hearts so that the victims can feel safe and secure in seeking the help they so desperately need. "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:9) BE BLESSED MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND STAY PRAYERFUL!
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Sisters:
Sister Wadlington's commentary on the domestic violence issue is on point, and should be an immediate concern of God's people. I've often wondered how does a girl of twelve heal from the pain of the betrayal of a parent, a boyfriend, and teacher. That's what domestic violence is--betrayal. That's what sexual violence is--betrayal.
And now, we might add, how does a twelve year old boy heal from the assumption that just because he's a boy, he can deal with the seduction of a seventeen year old babysitter, a football coach, Mr. Charlie down the street.
I'm interested by an anecdote our pastor has shared on Sunday, assuring his wife and daughters that he will protect them in the face of the enemy. I wonder, how would that safety net feel?
Who is the central enemy?
Let's catagorize Satan: alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, crack cocaine, heroin, pain pills, xanax, and a host of other "prescribed drugs?!' Certainly, not the substance in and of itself, but certainly its use has terrorized our famillies.
The bible tells us we are "drawn out and enticed by our own desires." And yet, if we're drawn out by that desire, we lay our souls open to attack. [I must give credit for such knowledge to The Lazarus Generation. I had no idea of this phenonmenon before my attendance with those christian soldiers.]
Opportunity and alcohol or drugs obliterate set boundaries christians make when they're sober. This is to say that when we expose our minds and hearts to mood altering chemicals, we leave the door open for satan to enter and destroy our relationships.
Most people are unaware of when they cross over from a social drink to looking out the rear view mirror hoping "John Law," doesn't stop them on the drive home. How many relationships have been destroyed by two people who drink together, to find the next morning a gross mistake has happened?
Social drinkers are arrested for drunk driving, too. Then, once the brain is juiced by the chemicals--no matter the type they're all a drug, alcohol is a liquid drug--the heart is compromised. Allow me to lean on the old cliche' "where there's smoke there's fire."
One point in fact:not all recovering drug addicts/alcoholics are violent, pediphiles, thiefs, pimps,prostitutes,etc.. Recovery means one is learning how to live a good life without using the substance. Drunk and high people are compromised by drunk behavior, not recovering 12 step people.
Think about your history. Ask yourself if alcohol or drugs factored in to a woman's bruise, a girl's molestation, a boy's failing grades, a man's aloofness and employment layoff, a divorce.
What to do? First, stop drinking and smoking cigarettes and marijuana around our children. Marijuana is a gateway drug, meaning, children will try a "toke" or smoke before taking a drink. Enforce the rules of your house when friends/family visit. Children relegated to the bedroom are NOT fooled about what's going on. Take care of our language about drinking, partying, romance, around our children.
Now here's one that might cause a stir in the grassroots community--allow toddlers to practice saying NO to the parents, that she will be able to distinguish the voice of authority from the voice of a perpetrator. Yes, our children need to respect their elders, but really, why are children obligated to hug and kiss these obscure visitors?
Women: Let's learn how to say no and yes appropriately. Must we threaten to smack or knock out our precious ones? Must we label them as bad? Someone must sacrifice for our daughters--and sons in order to save our christian value system!
Okay--enough!
In confidence
Sister Mary Ellen Floyd
358-5126. maryellenfisher@hotmail.com
mfloyd@fairbankscd.org
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